Another Reading

So, I did a tarot reading on myself last night. I did it with a specific question in mind but I won’t talk about that here.  Anyone who knows tarot will know exactly what I was thinking when I did the spread. How this is supposed to be read: Read cards 1, 3, & 5…

Done.

I give up on Doug. I’ll never measure up to whatever his expectations are. I’m too old to fuck with this shit.  So, Astra is moving on.  Whether it’s alone or not.  Either way, it’s time to move past this level of bullshit. In case you’re wondering, no, he hasn’t pissed me off or hurt…

Still So Insignificant

I can’t shake it.  This feeling of nothingness.  This feeling that there’s nothing out here for me. I’ve made myself too available for Doug.  I’m here staying with him again in what will be the longest visit we’ve had so far. Doug has taken to crashing in the same room as me.  Which he’s never…

Lost

I just feel so lost all the time, lately. When will something good happen to me?

The Reading

After some discussion, Doug wants me to be closer to him.  Currently I’m a few hours away from him.  We’ve started planning on moving me closer. I’ve been wrestling with this idea a lot in the past week.  My biggest fear is that it’s a decision I’m making just to be closer to him.  However,…

Doug

Here I am, sitting in a coffee house in the Bay Area. He is only a few blocks away… I just dropped him off at work. The drive into his work this morning was pleasant. We laughed and talked and listened to music. It feels natural to be with him. My heart breaks that he…

Your House

I’m in his house. Spending time with his family. I kinda wanna curl up and cry a bit.

Dreams

I don’t usually dream.  Or, I guess, if I do, I don’t usually remember my dreams. I’m on a downswing again.  I’ve been making up excuses or exaggerating real issues to work from home more so I don’t have to get up in the morning and do the things I have to do to be…

Unrequited

I haven’t been updating lately.  I spend almost all my time with Doug lately.  Almost everything I do involves him.  I hate that I make myself so available for him.  But I can’t help it.  He’s so wonderful and he makes me feel better about myself.  He defends and protects me.  So, someone tell me…

Why Me?!

Here I was, happily minding my own business when I get this text today: “Alen is back. He’s looking for you.” Alen. Is. Back.   Yes, I talked to him.  I wanted to scream and rant and rave at him. All I could do was congratulate him on the newborn and catch him up on…