I’m having a night where I just can’t sleep. I don’t know why.

So, after 3.5 hours of struggling to sleep, I just got up and loaded up the PS4. I grabbed my phone, turned my Beats on and started rummaging through Spotify. I flipped through my algorithm created Daily Mixes. I noticed that today they put a new mix in. It’s called “Your Summer Rewind”. Thinking back to what I’ve been listening to for the past couple months, I said what the hell and started the playlist. I was surprised when a song I listened to a lot the summer I met Alen started to play. I also knew that because I associated it with Alen, I hadn’t listened to that song or the artist since Alen left. So, naturally, I went back to the playlist and realized that this wasn’t just selected from this summer, but from every summer since I opened my Spotify account. Dominating this playlist is songs from my time with Alen. A couple from last summer when I was pining for Doug. Just so much Alen though… Specifically the song “Mercy” by Hurts. I selected the song and just froze. I couldn’t even think for a solid minute. How prophetic that song turned out to be.

Don’t cry mercy! There’s too much pain to come! Don’t cry mercy!

I admit, I continued to listen. I even put it on repeat and listened to it about 5 times. I had to stop then. I refuse to feel any kind of nostalgia for Alen.

I switched to my Mushy playlist. My assorted list of songs for Doug. Specifically the song I used to listen to repeatedly when I realized I loved him. I would listen to it on repeat for an hour at a time when driving down to California. “I Love You Like A Love Song” by Selena Gomez. It put me in a better mood and I went back to gaming.

Still not asleep though.