Missing You

It’s been awhile.  I know.  I don’t think anyone actually reads this crap so I imagine no one has really missed me.

I’m in Texas now.  Every day just sucks.  I look at all these familiar surroundings and I just wonder how long before everything comes crashing down.  That seems to be the trend I face when I live in Texas.

Doug and I spent a wonderful 2 weeks together before I finally had to go and continue on to Texas.  We went hiking, spelunking, wine tasting, and various other things.  But my favorite days were the days we just chilled together and watched movies.  Sadly, during the summer, we don’t get to cuddle much.  It’s too hot for all that.  His grandmother is anti-AC due to high electricity costs.  But on those few nights it was cool enough, nothing made my day better than to lie on Doug and just be held.  I wanted to stay forever.  I didn’t want to leave and continue on for another 1700 miles.  I bought one of those long distance love sets from Etsy before I went to California.  A California necklace for me and a Texas keychain for him.  I was extremely skeptical that he would appreciate the small gesture of “please don’t ever forget me”.  But I took the chance and wrote a silly little love note with it and tucked it away in his bedroom before I said goodbye.  He texted me when I was about 3 hours gone that he had found it.  He put the keychain on his keyring and said he “loved” the note.  I wanted to stop the car and cry.  I wanted to turn around and go back.  I wanted to defy everything and just go be with him.  But nope.  I’m stuck here in Texas for the time being.  Look, I’m 38 and scared of being alone forever.  We may talk on the phone every single day during every single spare moment but I still wake up feeling alone.  I go to bed alone.  I miss him with every fiber of my being.  My heart aches for him constantly.  Since I’ve been gone, he’s been sending me the sweetest messages and pictures.  My favorite so far has been:

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That right there just tugged at my heart so much.  I fell in love with him all over again once I saw that.

 

I just hope that I can make it in this shithole called Texas.  I hate it here and I hate being away from him even more.  I hope we start our lives together soon.  I can tell that will be amazing.