Challenges

So, my last day of work is the 30th.  After that, I begin the process of getting everything ready to be moved to Texas.  I’ve planned a few days up north in Portland to spend time with the BFF and move my belongings out of storage and back down south.  The movers will pack it all up and move it to Texas with my grandparents’s belongings.  Doug and I have been avoiding the subject of being so far away.  Our time on the phone have increased dramatically.  Last Wednesday, we spent 7 hours on the phone.  We spend almost every day in voice chat (Discord) or on the phone.  If I tell him that I’m getting tired and want to go to bed, he gets adorable and tells me that if I go just then, he’ll miss me too much and just keep messaging me.  How do I say no to that?  I honestly don’t want to go to bed.  I wish he were here (or I were there) and I could just lay in bed with him until I fell asleep.  I’ve set aside a week at the end of July to spend with him before I continue on to Texas.

Part of me is scared that this extended distance will take its toll on Doug.  I’ve expressed this fear to Doug.  He tells me that I need to stop being so negative.  He won’t give up on love so easily.  Yes, it’ll be rough.  Yes, the missing will be intense.  We’ll make it through all that.  We’ve put a 2 year cap on my being so far away.  2 years!  It just makes me want to cry.  2 years doesn’t seem so bad.  But I know after he comes to Texas in October, that’s when it will really feel like forever.  So, I spend a lot of private head time, talking myself down from that fear ledge.  I remind myself that until I get a job in Texas, I’ll have all the free time in the world to spend with him via phone/voice chat/video chat.   Once I get a job, it’ll be a little more difficult but we WILL make it work.

I got him a sort of going away gift.  It’s one of those Etsy state cutout keychains in the shape of Texas with a little heart stamped out where the town I’ll be living in is.  It’s part of a set.  The other half is mine.  It’s a necklace in the shape of California with a heart stamped out where he is.  I keep telling myself that he’ll find it cheesy and will tuck it away.  He’s not a PDA sort of guy and I have a feeling he’ll see it that way and won’t use it on his key ring.  Maybe he’ll surprise me.  I honestly don’t know.  It would make my heart soar if he did.

The real challenges are coming.  While I’m scared shitless, there’s still a part of me that has hope that everything will work out like we want it to.