After some discussion, Doug wants me to be closer to him. Currently I’m a few hours away from him. We’ve started planning on moving me closer.
I’ve been wrestling with this idea a lot in the past week. My biggest fear is that it’s a decision I’m making just to be closer to him. However, at the same time, I would be re-locating to an area where jobs in my field are literally everywhere.
So, I went to the only person I could trust and asked for a tarot reading. She said that the cards say that despite how I may feel for Doug, the move could be extremely beneficial for me. That I could end up finding a good job and settle in nicely there.
She meditated for a bit and tried to find out what’s with Doug. According to her, she says that the cards indicate that his cool exterior is actually hiding an emotional war inside. That he has this unrealistic idea of what he wants in a woman, something that no woman can really fulfill. That he has feelings for me that he can’t resolve because he’s unsure if he can see past the idea.
This lady who gives me readings periodically throughout my life has always been right. I trust her intuition. So, it nailed the idea down that moving would likely be a good thing, regardless of what happens with Doug.
I’m not stupid. I can’t make Doug see the things I see. If the cards are indeed correct, he already knows. Even I can only take so much deflection. I’d like to say I’m stronger than my need to be loved and close to someone. I know myself enough to know that losing someone that I can see spending the rest of my life with will be devastating to my heart. So, for now, I need to learn to reel it in and guard my heart fiercely. It’s the only way to keep my depression reined in and not allow a potential rejection send me soaring into that murky abyss of loathing.