I am absolutely aware that I am not perfect. Obviously I did not deserve the trust my husband had placed in me, even the small amount he did give me. I was short tempered and would get upset at silly things. Even getting ready to leave the house was a tense time in our home. Due to a form of sociophobia, I tend to spend extra time getting ready and if things don’t go smoothly, I can be pissy or short for the rest of the day. Sometimes, it would get so bad, Nick would refuse to go out to run errands with me. Eventually, it got to the point where Nick was running 90% of errands so I didn’t have to go out. Most of my social interactions are online and that’s where I can be me without too much fear of being judged.
So, Nick is completely oblivious and unobservant. Here I am, every day getting more and more emotionally attached to Alen. All Nick can say is that it’s nice to see me happy and not so mopey. You see, before Alen came along, I knew my marriage was in trouble. Talking to Nick was like talking to a brick wall. The words I spoke just smashed into a million pieces. That just kicked my bi-polar into overdrive. Alen was aware of my marriage and the mess it was in. He would encourage me to try different things to attempt to save my marriage.
I know, it seems strange that my lover is trying to save my marriage. Alen was also already in a relationship. Only slightly longer than my relationship with Nick. Strangely, his relationship was in the same place mine was. No affection, no sex, no communication anymore. We would spend hours talking about how we wished our marriages would just go back to the way they were. But, slowly, over time, we stopped talking about our spouses.
It was probably about a year after we met that Alen and I had sex the first time. He wasted no time holding me under for as long as I could take it. When we both came up for air, we knew. There was no turning back at this point. Worse, we didn’t want to turn back.
Nick and I separated shortly after that at my insistence. I had cheated. It was the right thing to do. No, I didn’t tell Nick. I told him that I couldn’t stand being his glorified roommate anymore. We weren’t married… we were just a man and a woman who lived together. Don’t misunderstand. That reason was very real and very true. I just couldn’t bear to tell him that the shoddy trust I did have should have been completely destroyed. Alen congratulated me on taking the step he believed was best for me. However, Alen would not do the same. To be honest, I didn’t expect him to. After all our conversations, I had always kept a little piece of hope in my back pocket.
I began to enjoy my new found freedom. Alen and I saw each other more often. The sex with Alen was phenomenal. We grew closer and closer. We were starting to make every day decisions together. We talked about the future and the possibilities. But slowly, Alen started to change. There were plenty of warning signs but I didn’t want to see them. Alen liked a certain type of woman. He liked a bedroom submissive. That’s what I am. It worked quite well for us both. However, over time, he wanted me to answer to him for all things. If he wanted sex, I was supposed to just drop what I was doing and answer the call. It’s rather hard to do while at work or while you’re out socializing with what few friends you do have. I was expected to answer with a “Yes, sir.” and comply. As much fun as we had, I had a hard time telling him no. If I was at work, he’d simply hold out on me until I was sufficiently punished in his eyes. It could be a day, it could be a week. I wouldn’t know until he decided to tell me my punishment had been filled. We were no strangers to the back seat of a car or parking lots or closets… you get what I mean.
Until Bella came into the picture…