There are some people in this world that cannot allow you to just exist. No, they feel the need to take something that doesn’t belong to them and just ring out every last drop of happiness, if they can.
When my husband and I met, deep inside I knew that it wouldn’t last forever. I picked him because he was funny and sweet. He was my excuse to stop seeing someone else. Someone else who was dangerous. Quite bad for me.
It was my husband who taught me what misogyny was. Before then, I had no idea such a term existed. In fact, it was he who told me that’s what he was.
I never truly realized what that meant until years after we had met. Before anything significant could happen with us, he had to trust me. Winning his trust is damn near impossible. There’s really only one woman on this earth that he really trusts and that’s his sister. So, the first few years of our relationship was strained as I struggled to be on my best behavior with him. Eventually, though, we found what I thought to be a happy medium. The days became mediocre compared to my fast paced mid-20’s. And that was fine with me. I knew from the beginning that it wasn’t going to be normal, thanks to his misogyny. Nothing in our relationship was normal. We moved in together and that’s when I saw just how different it was going to be. Bills were split 50/50 down to the cent. Bank accounts were kept separate. Our mobile bill was one, so I had to pay for however much the difference was from before he added me to his account.
My husband didn’t believe in marriage. I suppose I kinda bullied him into it. The oddities of our relationship I had come to deal with and accept as normal for us. People didn’t understand it. Understandable. I had told him after a year of being together that my end goal for this relationship (or any, to be clear) is marriage. I loved him despite his flaws. Maybe he didn’t trust me completely, but he gave me more trust than he does anyone else other than his sister. He asked for 5 years together before doing that. I told him that I didn’t want to waste my time if he was going to ask me to wait that long. I countered with 3 years. We settled on 3 years. So after 3 years passed, we were still living in mediocrity and said fuck it and married. That’s when it all went downhill. He clearly was not as thrilled about this as I was.
Shortly before our second wedding anniversary, I knew that nothing would ever work as far as gaining his full trust. He always suspected that I was doing something wrong. Our sex life became boring then non-existent. Truthfully, it died before our marriage. After 4 almost 5 years, I was starving. Not just physically, but emotionally. That’s when HE appeared. Swept me up in everything I was missing.
He added me on Facebook. When we weren’t doing stuff together, we spent every minute of every day messaging each other or talking on the phone. I felt like a teenager again. My husband once commented that I seemed too happy recently, was I plotting to kill him? He was joking obviously.
Note: No, I didn’t kill him. Jesus.
I was a roller coaster of emotions. When Alen and I were not talking, I sat in sad silence waiting for him. My husband didn’t even notice. Didn’t notice anything that was going on. Alen would tell me that my marriage was shit and I should have never married Nick. I deserved better, Alen would say. It was then that I started to examine my marriage with Nick. It was then that I started to consider divorce.